So I am late. I am never late. Well maybe rarely late. I took a home pregnancy test on Sunday and it was negative. I breathed a sigh of sadness and a sigh of relief at the same time. The day was crazy with Joey and Sarah both in grumpy moods when we got home. it made me question why I even want another one. But I do... So today still no visit from Aunt Flo and I had Sm go buy me another test and guess what... It was a big fat negative. I am so depressed about it. I don't know why I really thought it could be positive. I am a week late. I am rarely this late. Then it hits me... Could it be early onset of menopause? I am 43 years old.
So I started researching and now I am even more depressed. 45-55 years old is the age of the average woman at the onset of menopause. And menopause is considered "official" when your last period is 12 months ago. September 26, 2008 - Is that my date? I am so sad. I hope that it is really me just being late. I really thought I had at least 2 years of fertility left. I guess I should be grateful that I have my 2 beautiful babies. AND I AM. But I guess I am just a little selfish too.
I guess I need to have the perspective that God is not withholding another baby from me, but giving my children more of me. Sarah would love having a baby around. She is almost 4 and loves playing with her baby dolls and taking care of them. Joey on the other hand would be so jealous. He cannot stand it when I hold anyone other than him. He is such a mama's boy.
God has blessed me with children when I had resolved in my heart that I would never have any. It has truly been a blessing. So I will choose to change my sadness and big fat negative into a big fat positive. I have more time to enjoy my silly monkeys without all the bloating, morning sickness, soreness and everything else being pregnant brings. Thank you God for knowing what is not only best for me, but also what is best for my silly monkeys.
No comments:
Post a Comment